Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Book club Q&A for Three Wishes












If you have read this book feel free to link your review and join in the Q&A.

SPOILERS during discussion

1)  Who was your favourite out of Carey, Beth or Pam?  Also, who was your favourite male?


2)  What was your favourite or memorable scene?


3)  Do you think there is an age females should consider the cut off to become a mom, single or not?


4)  How do you think the friendships played a role in this book?


5)  What do you think about women choosing to become a single mom?  What changes do you see happening in your lifetime with regard to women?

6)  If you were seeking a sperm donor, would you choose an anonymous sperm donor or a known donor? What would you do if a friend offered to donate his sperm?


7)  If you wanted a child and your partner didn’t, what would you do?

8)  If you could have a child but not a partner, or a partner but not a child, which would you choose?


My Responses


1)  Who was your favourite out of Carey, Beth or Pam?  Also, who was your favourite male?

Beth was my favourite, just living and enjoying life even if some choices would have been considered wrong or taboo, eg getting tattoos.  Hands down Mark was my favourite male.  He was honest, up front, sweet, listened and even had that unknown mystery to him, loved that. 

2)  What was your favourite or memorable scene?

Interesting enough, I don't know if this is because of my job but the scene where (don't remember who) had to deliver her baby for the termination and hear another woman next door delivering her child was it.  What a difficult situation but I have to say probably happens often.  I think our hospital uses the OR for terminations when they have to push.  Can you imagine, what a difficult emotional tragedy that is.

3)  Do you think there is an age females should consider the cut off to become a mom, single or not?

I personally think 45 but wouldn't mind up to 50 if it suits the persons lifestyle.  Women should know the risks and I think with all the tests available moms can make the best decision and be an amazing new mom at 50.  How many grandma's are the real moms in children's lives and some are over 50 for sure.

4)  How do you think the friendships played a role in this book?

This is one of the issues I had with this book, the friendships were not built up at all, they seemed like acquaintances.  Even when they were all together, something just seemed missing for me.  This was a major part of why I didn't enjoy this book.
   
5)  What do you think about women choosing to become a single mom?  What changes do you see happening in your lifetime with regard to women?  

I believe in choosing our destiny and going for what we want.  Children need love, single or not, I have no issue with single moms, and when it is a choice, you go in eyes wide open.   The changes I see now are women becoming leaders of the world, CEO of companies etc, so exciting.

6)  If you were seeking a sperm donor, would you choose an anonymous sperm donor or a known donor? What would you do if a friend offered to donate his sperm? 

I would totally go with a known donor.  The idea of not knowing would mess with my mind to much, all the unknown true history of a donor would not work for me.  I would be all over a friend offering, what an amazing gift to give.  I would only accept if I was happy with the choice though.  Some friends are great but won't be the donor of choice for various of reasons.

7)  If you wanted a child and your partner didn’t, what would you do?

This was another issue I had with the book, the women were making decisions for the men, it was all about them.  I seriously had huge issues with this, in a relationship this is a decision for both not an entitlement, ugggh, truly didn't get this.  I also think as soon as you consider a partner for life this should be discussed and if both want something different I think you should become friends not partners.  How ridiculous to think your boyfriend will be a donor but not the father in the true sense, totally out of their mind thinking.

8)  If you could have a child but not a partner, or a partner but not a child, which would you choose?

I am a mom but it was not a choice, definitely unplanned pregnancy, I actually wanted my tubes tied at 26, but was denied.  :-)  I wanted to be a career lady, no children, travel the world with my partner.  So hands down for me would be choose a partner.


I look forward to your thoughts, add your review and/or Q&A here.



14 comments:

  1. Thanks for the questions! I have this book on my TBR and will refer back here once I am done with the book.

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  2. They won't tie your tubes that young, I don't think it's fair to deny you that. All of mine but one were planned ;) I agree that having kids is a very important thing to discuss. This is a life changing decision.

    This was not what I thought it was going to be. A more intense friendship is what I was looking for. I think we each will have different opinions on these ladies :)

    Paula
    Tomes Devotee

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  3. Hi Marce! I'm still reading our book ... but promise to finish and be back ASAP with plenty of opinions! :)

    ... besides, the book is due back to the library by Friday, so I'm reading on double deadlines here. LOL ;)

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  4. I loved your feedback on this. Great point on question 7.

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  5. Marce: I'm glad, very glad, you chose this book. The part I love most about the book club is that we read things that we would not normally read. It's a great way for me to open up my mind a little bit and see the world in a different way.

    I love your answer to #7. It all does start to seem like entitlement. Any one with children probably knows that it's not an entitlement. It's a blessing.

    Thanks again for arranging the questions. I love how you did this with Mr. Linky. Belle

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  6. Christine - Looking forward to seeing your answers! Belle

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  7. Paula - I was expecting so much more than what was in this book too. The heartbreak parts were so very, very sad to me.

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  8. Thanks Belle, I do try to choose books even a little out of my norm but it is kind of a sigh moment when I don't really enjoy the book, lol

    The not a true friendship and entitlement issues I couldn't dismiss.

    I agree the sad parts were unbelievably sad.

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  9. Hi ladies! I'm sorry for my delay once again, but I just posted my review to Three Wishes on my blog. As for the Q&A, I'm just going to tack it on here in the comments if that's okay.

    1) Who was your favourite out of Carey, Beth or Pam? Also, who was your favourite male?
    I think if I were to pick a favorite, I would say Carey, mostly because I felt her voice was the strongest and for some reason of which I'm not so sure, I found her story the easiest to follow. Although quite honestly, all their stories kind of sounded the same to me... As for the men in these women's lives, it's hard to say. I think Sprax was the most open to "fatherhood" from the start and I sensed that he and Carey would end up together as a couple from the beginning, so I liked him for that.

    2) What was your favourite or memorable scene?
    My favorite happy scenes were the ones in which the men proposed to the women.. I think seeing Carey and Sprax come to love each other and want a partnership with each other as lovers and spouses and not just as parents together was hugely heart warming and satisfying. Every single scene in a birthing room were also memorable, perhaps those that ended sadly the most memorable. Just as it is easy to remember the most joyous occasions in life, the most heartbreaking moments are also just as memorable.

    3) Do you think there is an age females should consider the cut off to become a mom, single or not?
    Such a tough question! [I'm assuming this question pertains to a woman becoming a birth mom only, not an adoptive mom]. This is a question that should be addressed between the woman, her partner if she has one, and her doctor. As long as a woman makes informed decisions, I don't think anyone else is in position to dictate to a woman what she can or can't do about pregnancy.

    4) How do you think the friendships played a role in this book?
    Very clearly, these three women were meant to be friends. Their circumstances and life choices are very similar, so of course they would feel a bond because of that. It also enabled them to be so understanding and supportive of one another, which is sometimes difficult to find when your life leads you down a less travelled path. However valuable the friendships must have been to the three women, I didn't feel that the reader truly got to experience the depth and importance of the friendships through the memoir. They rarely had page time together!

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  10. 5) What do you think about women choosing to become a single mom? What changes do you see happening in your lifetime with regard to women?
    One thing I knew for sure about what I wanted to do when I grew up was that I wanted to be a mother. I'm sure this included a happy, healthy marriage too, but motherhood was definitely a sure thing. I feel incredibly fortunate that I have both of those things in my life! Had my husband and I never met and I had been in similar situations as Carey, Beth and Pam, I'm pretty sure the call to motherhood would have been strong enough for me to pursue similar options as these three women. I'd like to think I would have explored adoption in lieu of sperm donors, but maybe the desire to experience pregnancy, child birth and breastfeeding would have been strong enough to drive me to artificial insemination. I just don't know.

    6) If you were seeking a sperm donor, would you choose an anonymous sperm donor or a known donor? What would you do if a friend offered to donate his sperm?
    Interesting question! When I started reading this book, I thought the idea of an anonymous sperm donor was ideal. If I was deciding to be a single mom, I would think it easier to do so without legal or emotional entanglement of any sort with someone I knew. However... as I got further into the book, I began to value the role of the men in the women's lives so much more and I was glad that they knew their babies' fathers well and I guess I would want that, too.

    7) If you wanted a child and your partner didn’t, what would you do?
    Hopefully I'd find out about this huge difference of opinion BEFORE getting that involved! Otherwise, I think I would eventually resent my partner for convincing me NOT to have a child if I wanted one and then bent to his wishes. Missing out on motherhood is something I would likely regret for my whole life.

    8) If you could have a child but not a partner, or a partner but not a child, which would you choose?
    I would demand having both! I know that's not a true answer to your question, but it's true. Thankfully, I will never have to truly face either scenario since I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband and two daughters. :)

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  11. p.s. I'm going to decide the H book by tomorrow! I'm so freakin' indecisive it's driving ME crazy! : /

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  12. Great answers I love slightly diff ideas. Reading this from the point of knowing you always wanted to be a mom was interesting.

    I actually think it is the same for birth or adoptive mom because it is a lifetime responsibility not just delivery day. I dint consider that point.

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  13. Great answers Christine!

    Paula

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  14. Marce, you're right about the lifetime responsibility about becoming a mom whether it be birth or adoptive mom, but I was thinking it gets complicated drawing a line for women's ages for adoption when there is always the option of adopting older children. Do we then put limits on the age difference between parent and child? And of course the health of the woman and maybe her family health history would come into play.. so complicated!! LOL

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